The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
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He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Can I color on your dick again?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
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Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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