I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
