You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
