$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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