I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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