needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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