There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
