Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
