OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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