So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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