Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
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