We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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