did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
