i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Someone shattered a urinal.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
