We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
