yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
