He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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