Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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