I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
