you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Do vagina's smell?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
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she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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