Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
