sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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