I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize