I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
