You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
