Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
