So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
