hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
