My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I think my moral compass just broke
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