thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
