you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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