Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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