I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
