Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
