I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
