omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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