I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
