Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
