Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
