if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
