Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
