AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
