i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
