the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
