This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
