and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
