It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
