best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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