Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Less talking, more tequila
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
