they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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