Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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