I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
