She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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