we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
