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I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
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