that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success