Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere