Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
