its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
