thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
