Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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