Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
