things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
