At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
