Where did you get a picture of my penis
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
