Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Those nachos came to me in a dream
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
