Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
