I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
