i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
