Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
