please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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