they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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