You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
