Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
