I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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