im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm jealous of your bromance
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
