I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
