If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
