You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Randomize
