Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
