What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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