Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
